I’ve Come a Long Way…Just to Begin

“I’ve come a long way, just to begin…”

This quote from the Indigo Girls song, “Come a Long Way,” echoes my life over the past year and now, my life moving forward. Many of you know that Corey and I are now divorced. This was not a decision I came to easily, and is a product of several years of discernment, counseling, and a lot of prayer.

Over the past few months, I’ve started to try to put the pieces of my life back together again, but at the same time, not really knowing what that looks like. Divorce does not come with an instruction manual. Co-parenting with a former spouse does not come with an instruction manual either.

There is no right or wrong, no direction, no precise way to move forward. At times it’s trial and error, failures mixed with successes. I am happy to say that Xavier seems to be adjusting well, and is very loved and supported by both of us.

Through this I’ve learned a few things that sound simple, but they are things you don’t really realize until you’ve been through something like this.

Life is messy.

Relationships are messy, complicated, and hard.

Parenting, whether single, married, divorced, widowed, etc. is still one of the hardest adventures you will ever undertake.

Being alone sucks.

Shame is a real thing.

We never really know what people are going through. Don’t make assumptions.

Vulnerability is the key to getting through a lot of crap in life, yet a lot of us won’t give into it. I’m trying and learning.

I am learning who my true friends are.

I am stronger than I realize, in a lot of different ways (I built a whole bed all by myself!!)

I can do things that I didn’t think I could do (see above!)

The thought of “getting back out there” is both intriguing and terrifying.

The fear of getting hurt and heartbroken is almost enough to never trust anyone with your heart again.

I must take one day at a time.

I must realize that it is ok to not know what the future holds, and that I have to live from day to day, doing the best that I can, and knowing that some days will be harder than others.

I am learning to love myself, and that this is harder that I ever imagined at times (I am my own worst critic)

Be open to support that comes from unexpected places.

Be your own advocate.

Trust your instincts.

Breathe deeply, a lot.

Quiet your mind and soul.

Listen for the voice of the Spirit.

The story of my marriage and now divorce is now part of my life story. It is part of Corey’s story as well. I have to own it, live into it, and emerge from it a better, stronger person than I was before. I’m holding onto hope (most days), and struggling to find it on others. I’m trusting that the path ahead is one of light and love. I’m holding onto the support of friends and family. I’ve come a long way…just to begin. Thanks for letting me be vulnerable with you.

I’ve come a long way
I was a show on ice
Dazzling and brittle
But subject to the sun
And then one day
I went little by little
Back to the water
The place where I’d come from
And I went under
Like stones tied in a sack
And I got emptied
And started my way back
My name
It’s got your name on it
My shame
It’s got your name on it
My home
It’s got your name on it
Everything I own
And all my schemes drowned at the seams
Have left me fine in my own skin
I’ve come a long way
Just to begin
-Indigo Girls, “Come a Long Way”
This entry was posted in Clergy women, Reflections. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to I’ve Come a Long Way…Just to Begin

  1. Patsy E Fleener says:

    Jill, I had no idea what you have been through. I connect with your loneliness, Duane passed away in August. I am finding my new normal as I am sure you are also. God has been beside me in this walk as I know He is also walking with you. Enjoy Xavier’s hugs and kisses. I really miss those moments. You are a beautiful strong woman and I appreciate getting to know you.

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